Their Life Before his Eyes
by Sar1305
Summary: "When I say I love you more, I don't mean I love you more than you love me. I mean I love you more than the bad days ahead of us, I love you more than any fight we will ever have. — (Unknown) When Penelope is in danger, Derek see's all they have before his eyes. (Sorry for the vague summary but please read)
1. Chapter 1

**Hi All**

 **This story started with a single chapter and some how evolved into this, I have posted chapter 1 to see if anyone likes it and if its worth putting up the rest of my story which is all but finished.**

 **Its a little bit AU i guess and it take some important moments and twists them but doesn't discard them.**

 **I really hope you like it, please let me know what you think because i'm not sure of it myself**

 **Peace x**

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 _Derek watched as the dirty grub had his hands on his wife. The fear in Penelope's eyes crushed his soul, he had promised to keep her safe and throughout their almost eleven years of marriage he had failed her so many times. As he looked at her, their life together flashed before him, how she had loved him, shown him a life he only dreamed of, how she made everything better. For a moment time stopped and images of their life filled his mind._

######## TWELVE YEARS EARLIER##############

 **Chapter 1 The chase:**

"Its ok I've been called worse" She said

She watched the reaction on his face, biting her lip shyly, and waiting for him to say something else. But he didn't, he just stared at her. She walked towards them to assist them.

"Can you help us the computer is giving us a hard time, and none of us can figure out how to track this cell call"

Penelope laughed; she doubted it was the computer and more the user. She took a seat and worked quickly. Hotch, Reid and Derek were dumb founded how something that had been trying to do for an hour took her a minute.

"That was quick" Derek said

"Next time I'll take it slow for you eyebrows" She said giving him a flirty smile, and then instantly regretting it.

"Oh I'm so sorry sirs that was out of line" She said quickly regretting her comment.

Derek laughed.

"Lets call it even" Derek said "And Hotch is the only sir around here"

Penelope laughed, and Derek couldn't keep his eyes of her.

"If there's nothing else I have to get back to some work" She said politely.

Hotch nodded.

"Oh" she said turning back to Derek,

"My name is Garcia, Penelope Garcia" She said "You'd think you would have remembered it we only met a few weeks ago" She winked at him and turned away.

For the first time he noticed how beautiful she was. When he and Hotch had arrested her, she intrigued him, but he couldn't look past the dark hair and clothes. And when she called him eye brows, he wondered who she thought she was. But now standing in the office, in more conservative clothing, her shining blonde hair pulled up neatly, he really noticed her. The way she turned to him slowly, the way she looked up shyly at him, it was a far cry from the over confident almost arrogant girl they had arrested a few months prior. As she walked away he thought he should go after her, he was drawn to her, he wanted to know her. But he had work to finish.

A few hours later Derek went looking for Penelope, knocking on her office door.

"Hey baby girl" he said, he had liked the way she looked at him before so he used it again.

She turned on her chair and looked up him. She smiled wide involuntarily.

"Agent Morgan" She said "What can I do for you?"

"First you can call me Derek, secondly I wanted to see if you wanted to come have dinner with me" he said.

"Oh no, I don't think that would be a good idea" She said biting her lip nervously.

Derek was shocked girls did not usually turn him down.

"Come on, it's just dinner" He said.

"Look" Penelope said "I appreciate the offer eye brows, but no thank you"

Derek stared at her for a second before turning and leaving.

Penelope watched him leave, cursing herself, why did she just say no to the most perfectly sculpted piece of human she had ever had the pleasure to lay her eyes on. That was why she thought to herself, guys like him were players; they would have their fun and leave her. But Penelope always fell hard, she put her heart and soul into her relationships, she would be just setting herself up for failure.

Derek left her office, he had set himself a challenge, she would have dinner with him eventually.

Derek chased after Penelope for month, she was stubborn and refused him every time, but he persisted and the more she said no the harder her tried. After four months of rejection Derek had enough, he needed her and he was going to convince her. He walked into her office without saying a word.

She watched him come in, she was ready with yet another rejection speech, and although she gave him props for persistence's, she wasn't keen on having her heart broken. He didn't say anything at first just picked up her hand bag and grab her hand pulling her from her chair.

"Derek" she said in protest.

He turned to her,

"Uh, baby girl I don't want to hear it, we are going to dinner" he said heading for the door.

Penelope cut him off and closed the door and locking it, she didn't want anyone to walk in on their argument. She turned towards him.

"Derek, how many times do I have to say no" she said sighing.

He walked closer to her.

"Why won't you say yes, it's just dinner" he said.

"No" she said shaking her head.

"Say yes Penny" he said getting so close now she could feel his hot breath.

"No" She said but her conviction was starting to waiver and she backed into the door.

"It's just dinner, what are you afraid off" he asked.

"Derek, don't you understand guys like you break girls hearts, I'm not ready for that right now" she said.

Derek was shocked. He was not a heart breaker, sure he had relationships that didn't work but they normally ended amicably.

"Baby girl" He said pushing her gently against the door.

"I promise I will never break your heart, just say yes" he said his lips inches from hers.

"No" she said smiling this time.

He took a chance and kissed her, softly at waiting for resistance, but none came. He pulled away looking at her.

"Ok" she said breathlessly "Dinner"

Derek smiled.

"Good, if I had of known kissing you would work I would have done it sooner" he said

Penelope giggled.

"By the way Derek, my name is Penelope, please don't call me Penny" she said.

He grinned at her.

"Alright, Penelope" he said accentuating her name "Let's go"

But it turned out to not be just dinner, they had connected on level that neither of them had ever experienced, Derek didn't want to say goodnight, dinner turned to dessert, dessert turned to a walk around the park, and that turned into Derek walking Penelope home, insisting she wouldn't be safe. They made it to her apartment door, Derek still didn't want to say goodnight, he stood in her door way facing her.

"I had a really good time tonight Derek" Penelope said, butterflies dancing in her stomach.

"Me to baby girl" he said, he reached up and touched her cheek. He watched her bite her lip, he could see her mind working, he wanted to kiss her, he needed to taste her again. He lent in and kissed her softly, waiting for her let him in and when she did he deepened the kiss wrapping his hands around her waist as she wrapped her hands around his neck pulling him into her. Derek fumbled with the unlocked door and let them in not once breaking contact.

Penelope led him to the couch, and the two of them collapsed on it, Derek pinning Penelope underneath him, he kissed her neck as she arched it allowing him free range, his kiss trailed down her body. Her soft skin under his lips made him want her, he had never felt this much need for one person, certainly not after just one date. Penelope pushed her hands up under Derek's shirt caressing his perfectly sculpted body as he turned his attention back to her lips. She felt his hand pushing up under her dress; she gasped and suddenly pushed him away gently.

"Sorry" Derek said pulling away so he was sitting up right looking down on, both of them breathless.

"No, don't be" Penelope said "I just, maybe we shouldn't"

Derek lent back down to kiss her softly, before standing and walking to the kitchen. He just needed time to compose himself; his body had reacted instantly to her touch. Penelope watched him walk away, she had ruined it, and even though she wanted to touch him, to taste him so badly, she was scared she would be rejected; she was not by any means the type of girl someone who looked like Derek Morgan dated. She stood following him to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry" She said quietly waiting for him to respond. He turned to her slowly,

"It's ok" He said "I'm sorry if I was going too fast, I've just never felt what I was feeling before, and I just needed you. But we can take it slow I won't pressure you into anything" he said kindly.

"Oh" Penelope said, momentarily stunned by his confession.

"Derek it's not that I don't want to, believe me that is not an issues" She said smirking, "But underneath all these clothes, I don't look like you, or probably the kind of girls you would date, I just don't want you to be disgusted" she bit her lip as he walked closer to her.

"Penelope, I think you're beautiful. Whatever is under all these clothes are no doubt just a beautiful as the parts of you I can already see" he said, his face inches from hers.

"I just don't want to disappoint you" she said "I don't want to wake up in the morning and this be over because I wasn't good enough" her eyes fell to the floor. Derek hadn't realized just how insecure Penelope was, she put on a brave front, but he had broken down her barrier.

"Baby girl listen to me" He said tilting her chin up towards him.

"I want to worship the body under these clothes" he said kissing her lips. "I want to know every curve" He kissed her jaw "Every line" he kissed her neck "Every inch of this body" He kissed her shoulders "I want you to know you are beautiful" he said kissing the top of her breasts as he gently slid her dress down over her shoulders, his fingers leaving a trail of goosebumps across her skin. "I want you to feel safe with me" he said kissing her lips as he reached around her back to unclasp her bra letting it fall away from her body. His hands danced across her hips before he pushed the dress the rest of the way to the floor, so she was left standing in nothing but her lace underwear. She self-consciously wrapped her arms her middle trying to hide her body that she was suddenly ashamed of. But Derek grabbed her wrists gently and pulled them away. Pulling himself closer to her all but naked body, kissing her deeply

"Derek" she said breathlessly as she felt his hardness against her, pressing gently as he kissed her.

"See what your body does to me" Derek growled "You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed off"

Gaining some confidence Penelope pulled Derek's shirt over his head, before freeing his body of his pants, he pushed her against the kitchen counter as his lips trailed down his body. He had every intention of showing her exactly what she had stirred inside him.

Over the next few months Penelope fell for him and she fell hard and she fell fast, how they managed to keep it a secret was beyond her. But they spent every second of their free time together, and Derek kept his promise to not break her heart, he had fallen just as hard as she had, and he worshiped her every chance he got.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi All**

 **Thanks for reviews - and for those who have just read, Please keep letting me know what you think**

 **Hopefully it all makes sense - but please let me if it doesn't**

 **X**

* * *

 **CHPATER 2: The Day He Said I Love You for the First Time**

She didn't know why she hadn't called first, Derek would have come to her, he was going to be mad when he found at she had come all the way across town in the middle of the night alone. But she had this desperate need to see him, she couldn't sleep, and it was rare she slept alone these days if he was in town, but Derek's flight had come in late and he told her he wanted to be alone. It bothered her a bit, he never wanted to leave her side, they had been dating almost three months and she could count the times on her hand he had said that. But still she respected his wishes, for a while. She tossed and turned all night before giving up and heading towards Derek's, needing him. She let herself in using the key he had given her, she tip toed through the house towards the bedroom but as she reached the doorway she heard him crying out in his sleep. What he was saying made no sense to her but he was in pain, he was hurting and it sent daggers through her heart, she needed to help him. She walked over to the bed trying to shake him from his sleep.

'Derek" She said loudly shaking him.

"Wake up" she said, she didn't know what to do but he's moves became more violent.

"Derek, Listen to me its Penelope you need to wake up now" She yelled.

Penelope didn't see his hand coming until it had connected with her face, it hit so hard it knocked her to the floor, she cried out loudly in both shock and pain. This sound caused Derek's eyes to snap open, his girl was in trouble, he sat up seeing her on the floor sobbing, and he knew he had done it.

"Oh God" he said hurrying to her side.

"Penelope I'm so sorry, please believe me I didn't mean to hit you. I was dreaming I didn't know you were there" Penelope saw genuine fear in Derek's eyes as he fought the tears.

"I know, I believe you" she said quietly, and she did but it stop it hurting.

Suddenly anger grew inside Derek,

"Why are you here I told you I wanted to be alone" he stood and walked away from her.

"I needed you, I don't know why" she said softly not sure why he was so mad.

"I could have hurt you Penelope" Derek was now yelling.

Penelope gathered herself off the floor staring at him in shock; her only reaction was to yell back.

"I came here to be with you I needed you" she yelled "And I saw you having a nightmare, you were crying out in pain, I wanted to help you, you have no right to yell at me Derek, you gave me your key and said I could use it, and the first time I do you get angry"

Derek was shocked by her reaction; they both now had tears down their face. This was their first fight.

"Maybe you should have listened to me" he yelled back.

"Maybe I should have" she continued "I missed you; I could tell this case had bothered you and I needed you, I don't know why I can't explain it, and I'm sorry I even came here Derek"

"I could have hurt you Penelope, I could have really hurt you, when I tell you to stay away, stay away" he said.

Penelope was fuming; she had no idea what she had done wrong.

"Fine" she said throwing her hands up "You want me to stay away I'll stay away"

She threw the key he had given her on the bed beside him.

"If this is what I'm going to get from you every time you get a bad case then I'm out" she yelled.

"I am happy to be there when you need me but don't you dare act as if whatever is going on is my fault" she was almost hysterical, she was telling him she was done her heart was already aching and she wasn't even one foot out the door.

Penelope's words stung him, he's felt sick to stomach and his heart was breaking, she was leaving him, this wasn't real. 'God dam Derek stop her' he told himself 'don't let the best thing in your life walk out that door' he breathed in and rushed after her cutting her off halfway to the door.

"Derek, I'm not going to stand here and have a yelling match with you at four in the morning, you don't want me here I'm leaving, don't worry."

He didn't answer her, he just starred, and she saw so much in his eyes, fear, sadness, anger, hurt, need, love. There was so much going on behind his eyes and it caught her by surprise how quickly her anger towards him dissipated and the need to help him returned.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed but didn't make contact. "Penelope I'm so sorry please don't leave me."

He's crying was heavy, she had never seen him like this.

"I need you Penelope, don't leave, I'm sorry" he repeated.

Penelope knew she wouldn't leave him like this, she opened her arms allowing him to wrap his arms around her, he buried her face into her shoulder and sobbed hard, she couldn't hold his weight as she felt his legs buckle and they both sunk to the floor. She held him, wrapping his arms around his head as he buried it into her chest, she rocked him gently trying to sooth him but without saying anything.

They has stayed there a long time, the sun was starting to creep through the window before Derek stopped crying, he pulled his head out of her chest and brushed away his tear, He reached up and touched her face where he had hit her, she lent into his touch as a single tear fell. He wiped it with his thumb.

"I'm sorry" he said, and she knew he meant it.

"Its ok, I'm not going anywhere" she said reassuring him.

He lent in and kissed her softly.

She stood as he pulled away putting her hands out to him to help him off the floor. She stood in front of him, not sure what to do.

She pulled him towards the bedroom so they could lie down.

"You need to tell me about it" She said, wanting him to know he could open up to her.

He shook his head.

"No" he said quietly "You will just leave me"

Penelope looked at him.

"No" she said "I won't, whatever it is your safe with me Derek, you can tell me."

He looked away from her, but she persisted. She used her hand to turn his head back to her.

"Derek Morgan" she said firmly "You listen to me, whatever you tell me stays between us, and I will not leave you, you hear me."

Derek nodded he grabbed her hand and lead her to the bed, sitting down and gesturing for her to join him. They sat so they were face to face.

"I've never told anyone this before" he said quietly.

Penelope picked up his hand and squeezed,

"Baby" she said "Its ok you're safe with me"

He breathed in deeply and started.

"When my dad died I started hanging out with a bunch of kids who were bad news, and I started to get into trouble, real trouble, with the police. My mom sent me to the local youth center hoping it would send me in the right direction, and in some ways it did I guess" he paused for a moment. He took another deep breath,

"I met a man there named Carl Buford, at first nothing seemed off, he promised me he would help me with football, help me work towards making something of myself. I didn't noticed that he paid extra attention to me, picked me out of the rest. But what attention I got I used to my advantage. Then one day he tells me that me and him are going to go on a fishing trip to his cabin. I was so excited, I remember telling my mom, and she was happy, Carl told her that I need a good male role model and that he would do what he could to help me. That weekend turned out to be the worst weekend of my life. Carl gave me alcohol, a lot of it to, and he did things, things a grown man shouldn't do to a young boy, and it hurt, it hurt physically and emotionally. And when the weekend was over he told me never to breathe a word of it to anyone, that no one would believe me. And when I didn't he continued to do it. I let him, and I didn't say anything because Carl was my ticket to a better life, and he knew it, he reminded me every opportunity he got of what I would be giving up if I told, so I kept quiet." Derek finished, his breathing was fast and shallow and he had tears in his eyes, Penelope realized she was also crying. She moved so she was kneeling in front of him and wrapped him up in her arms once more, letting him sob. She kissed the top of his head reassuring him she was there. After a moment he spoke again.

"I just let him keep doing it Penelope" he said,

Penelope moved so her forehead was resting against his, she commanded him to look at her.

"Derek, none of that was your fault, you were just a kid, Carl is the one who hurt you."

Derek sobbed.

"You must hate me you must think I'm weak for not stopping it, for not doing something sooner your going to leave me now you know how broken I am" he said.

"God Derek no," She exclaimed.

He looked at her, making sure she was serious.

"I don't hate you and I will not leave you, I want to help you" she said.

Derek grabbed her face and kissed her, he kissed her with gratitude, with relief, with fear, as if at any moment she would be gone. He sobbing had subsided and he gabbed on to her, pulling her into a laying position with him, so they were now lying face to face.

"Thank you" he said running his hands through her hair.

"What for?" She asked

"For not running away" he said.

She gave him a small smile.

"Baby I'm not going anywhere, I need you to believe me, I'm here for you, I want you to know that"

Derek pulled himself closer to her so there heads were now touching.

"I understand now why that case bothered you so much, how long have you been having nightmares?" she asked.

"Since I can remember" he answered honestly.

"We've spent plenty of nights together, I have never seen you like that" she said quietly.

"That because of you" he said.

She looked at him confused.

"I don't understand fully either" Derek said "But I know that first night we spent together was the first time in years that I hadn't had one. Something about being with you makes me feel safe, like there's a light in my darkness and she sleeps next to" he said touching her face.

Penelope smiled she didn't know what to say.

"Derek" she said starting to deny it.

"No its true Penelope, I feel so safe with you, I love you" he said.

Penelope looked at him that was the first time he had said he loved her.

"Derek, I love you too, I'm going to help you through this" she said

Derek sobbed again,

"Hey" Penelope said, "it's over ok, let just get some sleep, I'm going to be right here when you wake up."

Derek nodded his eyes were heavy from the burden he had been carrying around. Penelope just watched him, he was scared she would leave him, but the truth be told, it made her love him more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi All**

 **Thank you for continuing to read. Please let me know what you think.**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: The Night He Realized He Couldn't Live Without Her**

Derek unlocked to the door the Penelope's apartment, he had been away for a week and he needed to see her. They had been together for about five months, and he had the need to be with her whenever he could. She was the last person he wanted to see at night and the first person he needed when a case was over.  
He had picked up the biggest brightest bunch of flowers he could find on his way to her. He opened the door looking around he didn't see her; he put his bag down and went looking for her. He found her kneeling down on the kitchen on the floor, there was glass and food all around her.

"Hey" he said putting down the flowers and kneeling down in front of her.

She looked up at him, she looked flustered as she tried to clean up and he could see her hands shaking. Derek put his hands over hers causing her stop.

"Baby" he said gently "what's wrong?"

"Sorry" she said "I was cooking and i dropped this all over the floor"

She had tears in her eyes, Derek reached up and touched her face

"But that's not what's wrong, I know your hands aren't shaking and tears aren't in your eyes because you dropped this" he said

She bit her lip, she didn't know how to say what she was feeling.

"I just" she paused sighing and going back to cleaning up. Derek watched her for a moment before starting to help her. After a moment of silence Penelope threw down what was in her hands and sat back on her knees. Derek stopped and looked at her, she had tears pouring down her face.

"Derek, why are you with me?" She asked.

Derek chocked. He couldn't believe she was even asking that.

"Baby girl" he said "I can give you a hundred reasons, what's going on?"

She shook her head. She couldn't answer. She just put her hands in head and cried.

"Penelope" Derek said moving towards her he pulled her into his arms.

"I know you want to break up with me why don't you just say it?" she said pulling away from him.

She stood up leaning against the bench. Derek stood to but kept his distance.

"Baby girl I do not want to break up with you, why on earth would you think that. Wait" he said "Penelope do you want to break up with me?"

"No!" She answered a little too quickly "but these girls were talking about you in the coffee shop, they said their friend had given you her number and you and her were going out for dinner. And they were beautiful girls, nothing like me, I'm clumsy and awkward and I'm not beautiful just a little weird. Guys that look like you don't belong with girls like me, but you could have told me before you said you'd go out with her. You promised" she was struggling to catch her breath through her tears "your promised" she tried again.

Derek walked to her cupping her face in his hands.

"I promised I would never break your heart" he said.

"Yes" she said trying to pull away.

"Listen to me, I don't know what those girls heard from their friend, but a few weeks ago some girl tried to give me her number, sure she was little pushy but I said no. I don't know what they were talking about" he said

Penelope sobbed

"How do I know you're telling the truth, I don't know what to believe right now"

Derek brushed her face with his hand.

"I love you" he said "you said you love me, do you still?"

Penelope nodded

"Yes of course"

"And do you trust me?" He asked

"Yes" she said softly

"Ok" he said leaning his forehead against her.

"Listen to me" he continued "I have not agreed to go on a date with anyone since the first night we had dinner, you are beautiful, smart, kind, sweet. You are my baby girl. You are the light in my life, and no girl can ever come close. What I feel for you I can't even explain, I've never felt it before and yes it scares me. But I love you and I can't be without you."

He didn't realize he was crying until he stopped talking.

Penelope looked up at him, she had been mad before he came over but now she felt so guilty she had clearly hurt him.

"I'm sorry" she said quietly sobbing "I'm sorry"

She didn't know what else to say. She hoped she hadn't ruined the best thing in her life

Derek lent in and kissed her. Telling her it was ok, and that he understood,

"Baby girl it's ok, it's ok" he said

He pulled her tight to his body wrapping his hands around her tightly.

"Derek" she sobbed

"Shh" he said, she didn't need to say anything else.

"Baby, I know you're feeling a little insecure but believe me when I tell you don't need to be, my heart belongs to you and only you. And I wish you could see what see what I see"

She continued to sob against his chest; he wondered how long she had been holding on to that.

When she subsided she pulled away looking up at him.

"I'm sorry" she said "I didn't mean to hurt you I'm sorry."

Derek smiled at her brushing her face.

"It's Ok, are you feeling better, now that it's cleared up?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm sorry it was stupid" she said.

"Not stupid" Derek said "but certainly no warranted, I promise"

He lent in kissed her softly and slowly. He lifted her off her feet sitting her on the bench in front of him. She wrapped her hands around his head kissing him with as much passion as she could muster. He's hands moved up the inside of her leg and she quivered under his touch. He wanted to show her, that her fears were not necessary. He pulled her off the bench so her legs wrapped around his waist and he held her up carrying her to the bed room.


End file.
